Bad Night

The Kum&Go got robbed last night. I was working. It was awful and I hated it. I don't want it in my brain any more.

Humanism>Feminism

I know this is like the third post today, but I'm thinking a lot about something. I am a humanist. And under that umbrella of humanism, there is feminism. And I might kind of hone in on feminism, but that's because it's kind of the only thing I can identify with when it comes to inequality among different types of humans. But in all honesty, I just think all humans should be equal. And I would fight for any groups rights to be equal. I personally just don't see how people don't treat all others with respect. I was reading something earlier and it was kind of saying that by giving feminism a name, it was making a subject of women, and sectioning them off. And that is what I think my problem with feminism is. That by calling it feminism it is insinuating a difference. And yes, women are obviously different from men, but why should women be looked at like that, as something other than men. Why can't it just be, we are women, we are humans, we deserve the same treatment as other humans? I don't know. There is so much trickery in words sometimes. I am going to continue to think about this.

Argh.

Sometimes I wish I could just bitch and moan without having some one to try and make it sound better. Like sometimes I just want to have some one to just nod their head and say "Yes that does suck." And I want them to know the difference between the times I want them to talk and when I want them to shut up. I already know that things aren't really that bad, but sometimes I want to forget that and pity myself for like an hour or two. Ugh.

I'm tired of people lying, sayin' what they want about me!

LMFAO. Bahaha blast from the past. Silly Lohan.

If you wear shirts like that, prepare to be stalked

girl hah.

But really, this song doesn't have much to do with

anything, except that I've learned recently that

people talk about me. Not bad stuff, or rumors, so

really my situation is quite different from Lindsay's.

Sorry L-Lo. Andddd back to me. So I've found out

that people talk about me. It mostly seems like

professors, but still. It's kind of funny but also

flattering. I kind of like it. It made me realize that

I really am changing. Like I'm letting myself be

noticed. It's a good thing. I think this is cool.

I like it here, and I like who I am here.

I feel good about myself today :]

Life after Graceland?

I'm having trouble imagining it. Like I can, but it's either too ideal or depressing, so I try not to.

Choices:

1. Grad School

2. Try and get a job

3. Other

As of now, starting all over again in another school seems bogus, and I really don't want to spend $40,000, or move back to NY for a year and then have to move somewhere else. And a job...hm. I mean this is the most likely option. But it's scary, because once you get a job, it's like permanent. I was looking at Krista's pictures of her trip to India, and it makes me just want to travel. Find some sort of job on the go and just travel and live in different places. This would be the third option. Do something unexpected and go places I've never been before. This would be a dream. Emphasis on DREAM. Unless somehow I got a job that wanted me to travel. I just feel like there is so much I want to do, but I can't see how it's all possible. I mean I don't want to travel forever, but it might be the best time to do it. I'm going to think about it. A whole lot. It's on my mind. Hmf.

Sickly

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Ok, I put this in to make me laugh, but I really am sick. Grr. I've been trying to beat it since tuesday. Taking nyquil at night, tylenol cold and congestion during the day, and I tried claritin since I wasn't sure if it was allergies or a cold. And I still feel sick. I've even been skipping the gym, which is really annoying. But sweating will only make me worse. Ugh. I hate being sick. I haven't been sick in like over a year. I have a test and work today, so I can't even slack. Alack. Being sick blows.

Great Week so far!

It's only tuesday, and I'm already having a super week. Yesterday, B-White (Brian White, English Professor, from now on, only referred to as B-White) asked me if I want to join the Tower next semester! The Tower is the Graceland paper! I am so excited. Because not only will it probably help me with my writing skills, but it should also look great for when it comes time to get a job. I was also kind of flattered that I was thought of to join. Like I'm so used to not being noticed or taken into consideration for things. But here, I don't know if I'm different or people are just nicer, it's not like that. I'm so in love with this school. Seriously, it's super.

So, that will be really good for next semester. The only thing I'm worried about is how am I going to have time to do any work? To be honest, I am contemplating quitting the Kum&Go if after a month of doing 19 credits, including 3 honors classes, and a field trip class, I feel wrecked. Like I already know for sure that I will have to knock down to like 14 hours a week. But even that is kind of crazy. I mean I'm going to be doing so much homework, then add on Tower work, then add on a social life (which I have promised myself), and then finally add on field trips every other weekend or so. Sheesh. That alone is a lot of work, but then 14 hours of Kum&Go on top of that will be rough. And to be honest, I feel like I can do it, but I don't know if I want to. Like truly, this is the first time I've really wanted to be a part of my community and environment. So why am I wasting my time away working there? I don't know, I'm thinking a lot about it. I think I will try to do it for a month next semester or so and then make my decision. I mean I've worked since I was 16, and I'm kind of sick of it. Like I really want to have some fun. We'll see how this goes.

So yea, that was a really great start to my week. And since then things have just been going peachy. Having a lot of fun, interacting with people. It's great.

The FEmale Gaze

Mmm. Ok. So last week, or the week before, I had to read "Visual Pleasure and Narrative Cinema" by Laura Mulvey. And boy oh boy, was it eye opening. It was all about how the way media is set up, especially movies and television, to be watched through the eyes of heterosexual males. So basically women are objects. That part is kind of old news. But the part that wowed me was that women have to change their view and morph and watch this media through the eyes of a heterosexual male. This makes women harsher on themselves in terms of beauty. And then we looked at a years worth of Glamour magazine. And wow, that was so depressing. Like every one had something about better hair and how to sexually please men. It's awful! And, it proves that women have trained themselves to see women as objects and as nothing more than a man's plaything. Ugh.

It was a great essay, but now all I want to do is run around and objectify men to even the playing field. And I really want to make a movie that objectifies men instead of women just to fuck with people's heads. Also, I really just want women to stop looking at themselves so critically. I mean I don't think we should objectify men, it's just so unfair, I want it to be fair. Like have an even way of gazing. I wish I could figure out some way to change it. Maybe I will do something about it in the future. Hm. But I'm also really glad that I read this since it should help me with my Senior Honors Seminar. I'm also thinking of doing a play on magazine covers, making them more objectifying to men to show the contrast between what is and what technically should be. I am overall very excited about this essay, even though the truths it bears are frightening.

Companionship

❝She is a friend of my mind. She gather me, man.

The pieces I am, she gather them and give them

back to me in the right order. It's good, you know,

when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind.❞

- Sixo from Beloved- Toni Morrison

So I know I said that I would wait until the weekend, but I am procrastinating, so I figured I might as well do something worth-while. So, companionship. I read this quote from Beloved, and I fell in love with it. And I realized, this is what I want more than anything in another person. I want a friend of my mind. And I think this is a problem in a lot of relationships today, people don't take the time to really learn some one's mind. Like if you take the time to understand some one, then it should be a lot easier to be with them. Now, I'm not saying that I want to be with some one that I will always be able to know what they are going to do, or vice versa, but I want to understand them. I want them to know me, and for me to know them. Does that mean we have to know everything about each other? Definitely not, but I just want some one who is a friend of my mind. I want some one who wants that. I think that's why I really didn't like those guys who came onto me at the Kum&Go, because they don't want to know me mentally. I just want to feel understood.

I think these expectations are why I think I'll never get married. I don't know if it is at all possible to have a friend of the mind. I hope it is, but I don't know. I think companionship is luck, and the people who find their perfect companion, whether friend, or lover, are luckiest. So, yea. That's how I feel. Now I just got to get out there and find the friend of my mind...or not. I'll probably wait a bit hah.

Ack!

I have not written in a while! I have been so busy, but I have so much to say. I've been thinking on topics and I'm going to devote some time this weekend to getting them done. I've been writing papers and doing homework! It's nut. But thats a quick update, I have to get back to school work!