Hum.

So I feel a little upset even though I don't think I really should. I just finished talking on Skype to Bri and mono and a little with mom. But like it wasn't even talking. It was like they were all talking and I was just sitting and watching. And any time I did say anything, it was like I was a fly on the wall, totally unimportant. It was kind of annoying. Like I mean I know that their lives go on with out me, that isn't the problem. But it's like when I try and talk with them like that, it's like I'm just some sort of empty vessel they want to pour information into. I don't know, I feel like by being here in Iowa, I'm losing my relationships with them. Especially Bri. Like she's just not really good with long distant relationships. And it kind of annoys me. Like she does miss me, but we never really talk, and like today, when we tried to talk, it wasn't the same. Like she was talking and mono was interacting with her, but then I felt like an intruder again. I don't know, I just felt like I was being ignored. And I don't feel like I fit in with them anymore. I don't know. I know I do, but I feel like apart from them, more so than just being physically apart from them.

And also I've realized that like no matter how much I love all of them, and I see all of them as my best friends, I can't tell any of them everything. Like I still can't confide in them. I don't know what thats about, but I always feel like I'm the listener, and it might just be because I don't have much to say, but when I feel like I do have stuff to talk about, I can't tell them, either because they are already talking enough for the both of us, or because I don't feel the need to tell them. I don't know, I don't feel like anything I have to say is of importance to them.

Well bleh. Watching Jake and Amir has cheered me up, so I'm over it. For now anyways.